I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
