i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
