I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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