true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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