i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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