i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
