Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
