Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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