Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
