oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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