cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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