I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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