I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
