It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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