I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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