I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
