I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
