alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
