well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
