so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
