What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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