at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize