I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
