no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
