Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
