i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just gift wrapped bread.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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