Do you still have your period?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
