feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't deserve a penis
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
