Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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