That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
His nipple licking is glorious
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