Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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