am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
