That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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