I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
