i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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