Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
false alarm, still single
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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