It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
