Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
