Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
