She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
