Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
