I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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