Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
