dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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