Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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