I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I know her cup size but not her name....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
