is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
