I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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