You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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