Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
