The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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