You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
