I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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