I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
