My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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