He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
