My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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