Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so that wasnt chicken after all
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
