I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
