need another drink. this is the easiest way
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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