he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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