I just saw a hot homeless man
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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