If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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