She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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