Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
