Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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