We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
