U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
