On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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