so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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