My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
