then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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