I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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