just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
