You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
