don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
