If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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