He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
