Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
worst night to have a conscience
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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