1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
